


Do You Know Why I Pulled You Over?

by rebelwriter6561



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Car Chases, Fake AH Crew, First Meetings, GTA V AU, M/M, car jacking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 10:05:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5159735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelwriter6561/pseuds/rebelwriter6561
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray gets pulled over, Ray gets carjacked, and things get worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You Know Why I Pulled You Over?

Honestly, Ray had no fucking clue how the hell the cop guy had snuck up on him. Of course, the natural inclination of all criminals is to avoid cops at all costs, so for him to look up and see a cop car in his riewview, already running it's lights…yeah it wasn't good. Ray had a moment of panic where he thought about just flat-out flooring it and driving off, but he didn't really like being behind the wheel during chases. It might get him shot, or killed, or worst; cussed out by Geoff.

So he sheepishly pulled over, fuming to himself. Gavin was going to laugh his ass off at him for this.

His other option would be to pull out his gun and light up the uniform that was approaching his car, but that would also get him yelled at, and his gun was already in pieces. So Ray decided that the best choice of action would be to talk his way out of it. He wasn't Gavin, but he thought he was perfectly capable of talking his way out of a fucking ticket. 

Or flirting his way out of one, since the cop that was coming up had himself a seriously nice face. And he liked to think he wasn't totally hopeless at that shit.

He could always just drive away if he got in trouble or his flirting flubbed.

"Young man, do you know why I pulled you over?" The cop leaned against the side of Ray's door, crossing his arms and giving him a 'you're in trouble' look. Or maybe it was a 'let's have sex' look; Ray couldn't tell, he'd seen too many pornos that started like this.

"Uhh, _qué?_ Ray chucked weakly, but it died when the cop's bad look increased. Okay so maybe flirting his way out of the ticket was the wrong way to go.

" _Joven, ¿sabes por qué te detuve?_ " The cop deadpanned.

"Ah shit," Ray muttered, "look man, I don't fucking know, okay? I haven't done anything." Total lie. He was one of the most wanted men in Los Santos, sitting in a stolen vehicle, with his very distinctive and fairly illegal sniper rifle in the bag on the passenger seat. Totally legit and innocent.

"Yes, I'm sure you're a perfectly upstanding citizen - " Did Ray detect a hint of tired sarcasm? That was promising. "- but your right headlight is out, and you need to be aware of that."

"Are you fucking serious?" Ray sputtered. He double-taked between the cop through the windshield, as if there was any chance of seeing the damage. "Seriously? You're giving me shit for this?!"

The cop, rather than getting pissed at Ray's attitude, like a fucking normal cop would be, instead gave him an unreadable smile. "Hey, relax, alright? This is just me letting you know, alright? I know some of the other cops here will bust your ass for that, so I'm just giving you a heads-up. I'm just looking out for you, kid," he finished with a wink, and Ray grudgingly smiled back. Okay, a slap on the wrist was better than having to flee, especially from a cute cop.

Even if cute cops were still technically enemy. This life was unfair sometimes.

"I guess, but dude," Ray unbuckled and pushed himself over the center console, into the passenger seat. He pushed down the window button, sticking his head out and craning it look at his headlights, "it doesn't look bad. I don't even see it!"

Looking back, Ray could easily pinpoint this as the part where everything went to shit. Getting out of the driver's seat probably wasn't the smartest thing he could have done. It might have been the dumbest moment in his entire dumb life.

When Ray pulled back from the window, he saw a flash of blue light in the rearview mirror. Whipping his head around, Ray gaped at the cop car that had just rounded the corner and was pulling up behind the other cop's vehicle.

"Are you fucking serious dude? You called for backup for _this_?!" Ray snapped at the cop outside his window, but he suddenly wasn't there. Nope, that cop was now climbing into the driver's seat, pulling a gun from his belt and pointing it at Ray. "Get out!" he barked.

"The _fuck_!?" Ray yelped. He scrambled at the door handle behind him, but then sirens started whooping behind them and the probably-not-a-cop was slamming on the gas and they shot away so fast Ray felt like he got whiplash. His heart leapt into his throat as they accelerated straight through an intersection with no hesitation and floored it down the street. 

"Oh my god. Oh My Fucking God! What the fuck? What the fucking fuck?! You're gonna get us killed!" Ray shoved at the gun in his face and looked behind them at the multiple cop cars lining up to chase them. There was a lot of them. Not that Ray hadn't been in a chase or two or twenty, that was kinda a job hazard. But it was something else to be in a chase with some total psycho stranger who finally put the gun down to jerk the wheel with both hands, sending them the wrong way up to the highway.

"Look, you had the chance to get out, so you can't be complaining right now." Not-A-Cop snapped at him, sounding a little stressed but fairly unconcerned about what problems he was having with his life. "These guys are just a little mad cause I broke into the station, they'll get over it."

"Oh yeah, they'll get over it when you're dead!" Ray looked forwards again and regretted it, because even if this guy was driving through traffic like an expert, he was still driving the wrong way very quickly. And the cops were still coming. "Oh fuck," Ray groaned, and started digging in his bag for the parts of his gun. "Keep your eyes on the road, damnit!" he snapped when the problematic asshole glanced over at him. "You fucking broke into their station, that's it?"

"Okay, so maybe I shot a few of them, whatever." He twisted the wheel again, sending them down an off-ramp and sending Ray smashing into his shoulder as he screwed the barrel onto the body of his favorite pink gun.

"You're not going to get away from them if you keep going this way."

"What, really? Where should I be going?"

"Take a right at that stoplight, keep going straight for a while." Ray snapped his clip into place, twisting to fit the gun out the window, bracing his legs and torso against various parts of the interior. "What, did you just roll into town and start fucking with the cops?" Ray grinned when his new crime buddy smiled sheepishly back, making the turn beautifully and speeding up.

Ray exhaled noisily, pressing his cheek into the stock and pointing it at the cops. This wasn't the time to line up a precision snipe but just being able to hit the cops would be good. Even with the car careening at breakneck speed, and the uncertainty of whatever the fuck his driver was up to, he calmed his mind and his breathing, easily slipped into what Geoff called his "sniper-zen", where tuned the rest of the world out and focused on his target.

End of the barrel pointed at the closest windshield. In-one-two-three, out-one-two- and the windshield shattered and the cop car swerved. Ray reloaded and lined it up with a tire. In-one-two, out-one-and the tire blew, sending the truck careening into the rest of the pursuit vehicles. After that there was no time or need to count, he just had to line up his shot on the inhale and shoot on the exhale. 

"Fuck, man," danger stranger murmured, eyes on the riewview and not on the road, "You are really good at that."

"Oh yeah, man, I know how to handle my gun." Ray laughed at the look his makeshift chauffeur gave him. Just because they were in danger of dying pretty badly didn't mean he couldn't still try to flirt. He removed his clip when he emptied it and started manually loading his gun from the spare bullets he stared pulling out of his pockets, knocking out cop after cop. More cars skidded apart, and crashed into others, and amazingly they started to actually get away.

Against the hectic sounds of the chase, the tranquil opening notes of _A Thousand Miles_ were jarringly out of place as his phone began to ring.

"Oh, fuck my ass." Ray slipped back into the car, grabbing his phone from the cup holder and swiping at it. "NOT FUCKING NOW!" he screamed down the line at Geoff before hanging up and pointing with it across the dash, past his driver's laughing face. "Turn right up there, we can get away down one of those alleys."

"Awesome." Nutso chuckled, sliding through the turn. God damn he could drive. "By the way, is this your car?"

"Mine?" Ray laughed too, swiftly taking apart his gun and stuffing it in his bag with his phone. "Shit's stolen man, wreck it if you want." Without asking, his new best friend offered the same gun he'd used to threaten Ray with, and Ray took it and emptied it out the window at the last resourceful cop who still followed them. 

"Okay then, get ready to bail out of here pretty quick." Ray could guess, from his driver's line of sight, which alley they were heading towards to make their grand escape. He pulled his bag to his chest and braced himself against the dash.

Another fancy skid, and his driver managed to crash their car and get it wedged at the entrance of the alley, leaving the driver's side door facing out. Ray zipped as fast as he could, his new friend right behind him. And they were running, steps in sync, side by side down the alley, like they were born to do it.

This was the part of the chase Ray loved the most. Crazy as it was, he liked this better than the car chases. Better than making money, better than splatting a guy's skull, this was real. This was as honest as they got in this life, this was a pure down and dirty chase, and it made him feel alive. Judging from the crazed grin on his new friend's face, he felt the same way. They barreled through the alleys, turning into a side street and down another, lungs burning and hearing sirens screaming fruitlessly behind them. The cops couldn't catch them; they never could.

Ray and the stranger finally came to a stop, backs against a low wall in some random apartment's courtyard, trying to catch their breaths. Adrenaline burned in Ray's chest and trembled in his legs, but his fingers stayed still – life as a sniper and a gamer kept him steady. 

His buddy though…he was shaking. Not with nerves, like Ray suspected until he looked over, but laughter. This guy was busting his gut laughing as quietly as he could, but giggles still slipped out.

Ray chuckled too – that shit was contagious. "You okay buddy?" he asked, watching him as he looked up, still giggling. He had crinkles around his very blue eyes, and the kind of grin that said he felt the same that Ray did; like he could barely believe that they had gotten away with this shit so well.

"I'm fantastic," the still-nameless man mumbled. "That was better than I could have imagined, oh my god," he exhaled, still as excited and breathless as Ray. It was nice to meet another adrenaline junkie. "We gotta do that again, that was excellent!"

"Again?" Ray groaned, still half-laughing. "Jesus man, you're fucking crazy."

"Crazy huh?" Crazy Guy quieted, rubbing at his face and the corners of his eyes. "They usually just call me mad, but I'll take it."

Ray froze. His nerves, which had just started to calm down, went right back up to chase-levels, and beyond. He couldn't even calm his breath now, staring straight ahead and trying not to hyperventilate. His hands started shaking. This was no cop. This wasn't even some random thug.

This was bad.

"Mad?" he whispered, as if there was some off-chance that he misheard. But his luck wasn't that fucking good, oh no. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the most dangerous mercenary in the entire crime underworld was looking right at him, laughter gone, a very serious and non-joking look on his face. Everyone said if you ever saw that face, you were fucking dead.

"Yeah," the Mad King him-fucking-self sighed. "you know. Mad King, Vagabond, I honestly don't know who the hell I am in a new city until people start screaming."

"Oh fuck," Ray whimpered, burying his forehead on his knees. "Why fucking me man, what is my fucking luck?" Mentally he was taking as much stock as he could. Geoff knew there was some shit going down with him, so there was that. But then the crew might try to avenge him, and that would fuck them all up. He had Vagabond's gun, at least one of them, but everyone knew that this fuck liked knives. And he was probably as ready to kill Ray as Ray was expecting to die.

This was really fucking bad.

"I could say the same." Ray heard the shuffle of clothes as Vagabond leaned closer. "What are the odds that I'd get in the car with the one and only Brownman on my first try?" To Ray's surprise, Vagabond fucking _poked_ his shoulder. Ray looked up to see him push himself up and away. "Unless there's some other kid running around Los Santos with pink sniper rifles and shit." He fucking winked at Ray, then walked to the exit leading to the street. The sirens were all long gone, but his body language still screamed _tense and ready to fuck shit up_ if need be.

Not that Ray could blame him.

"You know who I am?" Ray stood up too, casually groping his hoodie pocket. Gun was there, but how many bullets were left? Was he out? Who fucking knew. Sniper was out, he could probably book it back the way they came, but he knew now how the Mad King could run. He would catch Ray in a heartbeat, and then end it.

Vagabond turned back, that old unreadable smile back on his face. "I actually broke into the police station to learn more about you, and your crew." His walk back to Ray was too predatory to call a strut, but too casual to be _stalking_. "Like I said," he continued when he stopped a foot away from Ray, "pure fucking luck." Totally casual, he pulled the gun out of Ray's pocket, clicking the safety and checking the clip with the mindless ease of someone who played with guns too much.

Ray took a deep breath, let it out. Okay, so situation hadn't really changed. He was back facing some seriously dangerous individual with a gun, and there was a very definite chance that his shit was going to get fucked up hard. Running was out. Fighting was out. The only thing to do now was to flirt his way out again.

Mustering all his guts, Ray asked, full of confidence he didn't feel, "So what happens now? I mean, I'd kinda not like to die, and I think we did good back there so maybe you should take me to dinner, if this is counting as our first date or whatever. I'm not fancy, I'll take a fucking burger or some shit, but if you wanna go serious I'm gonna need better." The Mad King's chuckles were encouraging, and his body language was looser, no longer _I'm ready to fuck shit up and stab a witness_ edgy. So that was good.

"I mean, as nice as that sounds," Vagabond sighed, sounding actually regretful (holy shit, was he serious, Ray was bullshitting but _okay_ ), "we need to get business out of the way. I want to talk to your boss, or your people, or whoever the hell is in charge of your crew."

"Alright, why? You wanna team up or something?" Ray squared his shoulders and looked the Mad King dead in the eye. If he wasn't one hundred percent sure this guy was legit (and who the fuck would bluff about being the sickest bastard in the business anyway?) he wouldn't have believed Ol' Blue Eyes here was the man behind the mask. And since when did this guy run around all casual without a mask anyway? "What can the Fakes possibly do for you?"

"Believe it or not, I'm actually looking to settle down, join a crew for permanent. Find some people who won't fuck me in the ass as soon as my back is turned." Vagabond shrugged, oh so casually, same little smile still on his face. Ray imagined he always smiled like that when he was violently murdering people, even under the mask. "I like your crew's credentials. You pull some decent heists, your boss seems capable. It's not every man who can take on a city with three kids and a lady."

Ray chuckled, mind turning. "Don't fucking call Jack a lady, man; she'll eat you." Was he actually serious, or was this some elaborate scheme to kill them all. If it was, it was way too complicated. He wasn't even taking Ray hostage or anything, which he could have done easily at any time, he was asking nice. Like a normal fucking person. He even looked totally normal, without the mask and the leather and the creepy air Ray assumed he should have carried around him.

How much shit would he be in if he rolled up back to the penthouse with the Mad Fucking King with him? And speaking of getting fucked in the ass…"Look, real talk, it's not that I don't believe you, I think, but, like, how the hell are we supposed to trust you back? Like for serious dude, your rep isn't…awesome." Ray trailed off awkwardly when Vagabond's little grin disappeared, leaving him creepily blank.

Welp, there was the creepy murderous aura Ray expected from him. Too bad he was fucking dead.

Vagabond must have seen Ray's apprehension. "No, look, I'm not mad, I get it, I'm not the most trustworthy guy around." He shrugged, as if a reputation for totally destroying everything and everyone around him was just some minor character flaw. "But I haven't killed you yet, so that's gotta count for something, right? And I got us away from the cops!" He smiled sheepishly.

Ray stared at him, totally lost and still slightly concerned. This guy…holy shit, just holy shit. He was the Mad King, the psychopathic Vagabond, the boogeyman of all criminals everywhere. He was also some blonde nerd who hadn't shot Ray, or kicked him out on the highway, or violently murdered him for asking stupid questions. So really, the only difference between this guy and the other members of the crew was a mask that he wasn't even wearing.

Vagabond's smile slipped, and he sighed. "I know you have no reason to believe me, honestly if I were you I wouldn't trust me. But I really am ready to settle down. I'm tired, man, I'm so fucking tired of running and hiding and shit. I just want to be able to not have to worry about getting killed if I turn around, is that too much to ask?" he finished angrily. Ray had no idea that the most wanted criminal in the country was so stressed.

"Okay, look. Just…" Ray rubbed at his face. How could he not feel sorry for that? Even if he was just manipulating him to get what he wanted, but Ray didn't think that was the case (he could have made a better excuse if it was). Honestly he wasn't even scared of him anymore. That was the closest thing to trust that any of them could get. And wouldn't it be better to have the baddest bastard in the biz on their side, rather than shutting him out? 

Ray pointed at Vagabond. "This isn't my call to make, you know? I can call Ramsey, and vouch for you or some shit, but it's his call. If he wants you in you'll be in, but if not…" Ray gestured randomly with his hands. "You know…"

"Yeah, I get it. I know how it works." Vagabond shrugged. "You call him up, set up the interview, and then I'll take you on that date, okay?"

Ray laughed. "Sounds good, Vaga-buddy." He unhooked his bag and rifled through it, trying to catch his phone amongst the parts of his gun. His phone, amazingly, survived the chase even with his sniper rifle for company. Geoff's mustache icon was still on the call screen, and Ray chuckled, imagining how this conversation was going to go. Eh, he'd had worse talks.

"Hey, look, if we're going on a date, and we're gonna be crew, you can just call me Ryan. I feel like we're at that point."

Freezing, Ray looked at Vagabond – _Ryan_ – with shocked eyes. "Ryan? Fucking Ryan?! That's your name?"

"One of them, yeah."

"Oh my god." Ray shook his head. "This day man…this is fucking surreal." This changed the game. Ray knew his name, so now he either had to trust him or be killed by him, because that's what would happen if he turned him down. Great.

His phone buzzed in his hand, blissful notes signaling Geoff's latest attempt to contact him. Ray grinned at Ryan, wiggling his eyebrows and feeling a thrill when he grinned back, a real grin, almost shy. Possibility of murder aside, Ray felt like this was going to be a good partnership after all.

"Hey, Geoff! Guess who my new best friend is!"

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the Crazy Taxi Let's Play alternate takes, and the conversations Ryan has with Ray.


End file.
